Movie Review: Alien vs. Predator

By Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune Movie Critic

1-1/2 stars

Two sci-fi movie legends, the slime goddess of "Alien" and the invisible killer-warriors of "Predator," wage bloody warfare in "Alien vs. Predator," and as the ads are quick to remind us, "Whoever wins, we lose."

You can say that again.

Following on the heels of mostly unmemorable monster matchups such as "Freddy vs. Jason" and "Godzilla vs. Mothra," "Alien vs. Predator" proves once again that it doesn't pay to double your trouble.

20th Century Fox sneaked this movie out last week with no critics' screenings - always a bad sign - and you can see why. The best parts of "AvP," where the monsters actually start mixing it up, are amusingly garish, shallow and gory. But the worst of it (most of the setup stuff) is almost irredeemably awful. It's a murky, empty-headed dive into the depths of the Antarctic and the heart of monster-movie cliches that leaves you praying for most of the cast to get killed off fast, to put them out of their misery (and us out of ours).

Most prominent of the beleaguered actors are Sanaa Lathan ("Love and Basketball," "Out of Time") in the Sigourney Weaver-ish part of hard-as-nails guide Alexa Woods, and Lance Henriksen as obsessed billionaire adventurer Charles Bishop Weyland.

Curious about mysterious heat radiations from beneath the Antarctic, Weyland has assembled a crack team of glowering or wisecracking victims-to-be. Guided by Woods, they head down below the ice masses, where they stumble into a mechanized, centuries-old, Aztec-style series of chambers and mazes that resemble a "Raiders of the Lost Ark" discard. They also witness a war, which has been running for centuries, between the militaristic Predators, who turn out to have been the sparkplug behind the ancient Mayan, Aztec and Cambodian civilizations, and the icky Aliens, whom the Predators keep breeding as battle-tests for their warriors.

Director/writer Paul W.S. Anderson has a fondness for amusing "Alien" and "Predator" allusions and the laudable notion of using a long, slow buildup to the eventual carnage. But during that prep, he doesn't supply a single character interesting to watch or a line of dialogue that stays in your mind - unless you want to count Weyland's furious (and imprudent) "Don't turn your back on me!" when a murderous Predator marches past him.

The "Alien" series - directed respectively by Ridley Scott, James Cameron, David Fincher and Jean-Pierre Jeunet - has, up to now, been the "Tiffany" sci-fi horror series for visual style. But by the time the "AvP" donnybrook starts, viewers have been wandering in the dark so long, listening to lame dialogue and following stereotypical plot twists, that their patience may be exhausted.

Anderson made the interesting lower-budget action movie "Shopping" before getting mired in video-game movie land with "Mortal Kombat and "Event Horizon," and once he can throw his monsters at each other, the movie does generate some campy entertainment. But though the last cliched shot opens the door for an "AvP" sequel, much of the audience may want to keep it slammed shut.

"Alien vs. Predator"

Directed and written by Paul W.S. Anderson; based on the "Alien" characters by Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett, and the "Predator" characters by Jim Thomas and John Thomas; photographed by David Johnson; edited by Alexander Berner; production designed by Richard Bridgland; music by Harald Kloser; produced by John Davis, Gordon Carroll, David Giler, Walter Hill. A 20th Century Fox release; opened Friday, Aug. 13. Running time: 1:40. MPAA rating: PG-13 (violence, language, horror images, slime and gore).

Alexa Woods - Sanaa Lathan

Sebastian de Rosa - Raoul Bova

Charles Bishop Weyland - Lance Henriksen

Graeme Miller - Ewen Bremner

Maxwell Stafford - Colin Salmon

Mark Verheiden - Tommy Flanagan